All of my contemporaries always say that if a teacher or a principal called home stating that you were in trouble, it was gospel. If you are in trouble at school you “got it” at home. Then you “got it” again when your father came home. There were no excuses - there were no parents running up to the school to say, “not my child.”

Children do not learn responsibility when parents try to assign blame elsewhere - typically it is the school’s fault. I’m sorry, but it is not our fault. Parents need to teach their children respect and responsibility. Children will not learn responsibility or consequences of actions if parents try to get them out of it. Let them learn that there is a cause and effect of what they do. Let them face the consequences. We did as children, didn’t we?

As important is the lack of respect of some parents towards school employees. This is a national epidemic, not a Woods Road or a Long Island issue. There is a general lack of respect and disregard for educators in general. To some parents, there is an agenda on the part of the school. THERE IS NO AGENDA! It is our responsibility to share what we see your child doing or not doing. It is our responsibility to inform you of difficulties your child is facing socially and emotionally.

The most important thing that I must share with you is that you are not your child’s friend. You are the parent. You establish the rules, not the children. You tell them what they are going to do and not do, not the other way around. And again, this is a national trend in parenting. We know both parents work in most families. Our parents did, too. We know that there are single parents who have to work two jobs to make ends meet. That has happened in previous generations as well. Parents, simply, must be parents. If your child gets mad at you for punishing them or not getting them the toy that they want - so what. Too bad. They have to respect you. They have to know that they can’t do whatever they want. They have to know that you are going to be on the same page with the school if they do something wrong. Once you have that respect then you have them as teenagers and won’t have to see them on every national news network in the county.

When your children are older; 17, 18, 19 - that is when they become your friends. If you have done your job earlier and set the boundaries, the friendship is amazing. As an elementary school student or middle school student, they don’t need your friendship, they need your structure.

In closing, if you were to get involved in a fistfight with another adult, what would happen to you? If you got angry with another driver and “roadrage” set in, what would happen to you? You would be arrested. Consequences are a part of cause and effect. These are the rules of a civilized society. So the question becomes, if children have a fistfight in school or gang up on other children to bully, intimidate or harass, what makes you think that the rules of society don’t apply here? Consequences are a part of cause and effect. These are the rules of the school district.

Original Article